Tinder profiles of the Huxtaburger

It’s taken a while to trust Uber Eats again after a failed delivery from Darlinghurst not too long ago, but hey, these things happen and there’s no point in complaining when the whole industry is having a hard time.

Still, I was a little worried about how the burgers from Redfern that everyone talks about would fare on a bike…

It’s a bit of a love-hate with Uber Eats as everyone knows they charge restaurants phenomenal amounts in commission from each of our orders up to 40% in some cases if not most. I’m more a Menulog, Deliveroo, Door Dash or Ritual kind of person, but Uber Eats somtimes dominates in some of the bigger pop culture venues like this one, so it’s a necessary evil. They were also pretty swift in handling a refund on this item as all 3 pizzas the restaurant sent over were damaged by the driver, who was very apologetic, so it was really difficult to raise the issue, but at the end of the day, a transaction was made, an agreement was made and an obligation was failed in maintaining the quality of a product after it left the store. This was a late night order after midnight, a photo upload and note to the Uber Eats service centre email via the app was made and by 7am that next morning on the way to work, a resolution to the query administered.

The glue that holds their meals together are the loaded chips – sure you can opt for standard chunky cuts – but we’re going the cheesy mayo, bacon, grilled onion and jalapeno load with dill salt. The sweat from the onion and cheese cream tones down the saltiness letting the spice do it’s thing with remnants of soft dill bitter earthines humming through. You’ll never want to do ordinary fries or hot chips again when you see what this combo can do in between each burger bite.

This is Denise ($15). A silent killer of ecstasy that comes in a deceptively compact easy one-hander package.

She’s not about the bells and whistles or the frilly volume of the batavia or limpnesds of the butterhead, basic leaves are all she needs with a pronounced grass -fed patty encased in the translucence of cheese with bursts of fresh tomato and sriracha with mustard pickle sour notes.

She’s confident yet understated. She’s toasty yet dripping wet with excitement. She’s an experience those she entertains don’t want to end as they sink their teeth into her. She’s the madam of the regular beef burger range and services a monopoly of punters who fo the petite girls next door. This works without bacon and didn’t need the extra saltiness…

Honestly, I’m amazed at how the detailed assembly of this thing survived on a bike when i’ve had basic donuts deformed from shorter trips from previous orders….

Theo ($17.50) is a big guy. When he comes to the table he needs people to sit up and take notice and they do with his barrell guns and sugary sauce and bacon top. Lots of attitude, he makes a good first impression, isn’t as shallow as he comes across because there’s alot of layers to this guy. Everyone wants a piece of Theo.

Britney ($16) is not as hot as Rachel, she also does like to show off her breast or thighs (depending on how you like it) and prefers a softer approach of avocado running through the standard procedure in the Huxtaburger range. Lift the hood of this baby and admire the green interior.

The Alternative ($19) is every man’s best kept secret. She looks like a burger, acts like a burger, is low maintenance, will do what the other burgers won’t and she’s same same but different with her plant based patty.

Great burgers no matter which you choose, and I’m not qualified enough to appreciate the vegan plant based range. Swipe right and hook up with these hotties in Redfern.